I don't know about you but this isn't the first time in my life where I feel like I'm looking around and just thinking... "What the heck is going on? What in the world are you doing God?"

In fact, God's sense of humor is impeccable because it just so happens that I am absolutely the least patient person on earth, and it also just so happens that majority of my life, in the midst of God's grand plan for my life, I have had absolutely no clue of what in the world God was doing and still had to learn to trust Him anyways.

Well,

Here I am again, as well as many of you, where I'm lovin' the Lord, I'm fightin' the good fight and I'm running after righteousness but as I've stopped and looked around me, I've realized that absolutely nothing makes sense.

One day I'll feel like I know what I'm supposed to be doing or where I'm supposed to be going and the next it's almost like things blow up in my face and I'm doubting whether I really knew what I was doing after all. It's been especially annoying because I can't tell you the amount of times in the last 6 months where I was consistently in prayer, I was seeking God's guidance, and I was sure He was sending me in one direction only for it to be taken away and to find out that God had other plans and that was in fact not at all where I was supposed to be.

Some of you who know me or have read some of my other blogs may know that I fell in love with someone who I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with. For years now I've asked God why He would let me fall in love with someone who would only end up inflicting the worst kind of pain I've ever felt. For several years I was in a very unhealthy relationship that I couldn't seem to get out of. I've begged with God and pleaded with Him to understand why I had to go through such an emotionally abusive relationship. Why I had to encounter so much pain, and so much heartbreak. Why it never ended. Why it felt like he had a hold over me and it was like he could just keep coming back and repeatedly hurting me over and over again.

It wasn't until 3 days ago that I understood why. That I saw what God was doing. I still don't fully understand why.. but now as I am starting to see the full picture I am sitting here hitting myself, not only because of the fact that I doubted God when I knew His faithfulness and I knew His plan was greater than anything I could comprehend.. but also because of the fact that in the midst of my confusion, in the midst of everything making absolutely no sense.. I ran to everything but God. I ran to drinking, I ran to lust, I ran to cheerleading, I ran to my friends, I ran to depression, I ran to eating, I ran to not eating.. I ran to literally everything I could but God.  When nothing made sense, when God's way didn't make sense to me, when everything seemed to be crashing down around me, I ran to everything that left me empty and left me with a list full of regrets that I won't ever have the chance to get back..

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 I know that there are many of you out there who are in the same place as I was where nothing makes sense and it feels like God has let us down.. I sit here writing this to you today because when you're hurting and when you're confused, satan makes it really easy and appealing to us to run after anything and everything that can distract us or that we think we can control but listen to me when I say that there is absolutely nothing in this world that you will ever fully be able to control or understand. I sit here writing this to you because when things don't seem to be going our way, satan makes it really easy for it to seem like God has let us down or that He isn't good or that He is hurting us when in fact, all of those are a LIE from satan and are the farthest thing from the truth. 

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I am at the next point in my life where I am looking around and all I can say is,

"Lord... Why?"

"I don't understand?"

"What the heck are you doing? What good could possibly come out of this?"

There are so many things that I don't know. And there are probably so many things that you don't know either. But here is what I do know...

The Lord is faithful. 

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In the short amount of life that I have experienced, there is one thing that I'm certain of. And it is that this life is insane, this life is hard, this life is unpredictable and it is wavering but our God is faithful, our God is constant, our God is strong and powerful and our God is our rock and mighty fortress.

Life is messy and unpredictable and rough but our God is not! When life is messy and hard we can be certain of one thing and that is that our God is a mighty tower that is unmoving, unwavering, and stands firm against any power, any evil, any waves that we may go through. When things are hard, when the pain is real and overwhelming, when you're full of grief and sorrow and you don't know what to do or where to go or who to be.. we just have to look up!

This world does this thing where we all put on this persona that we have everything all together and that we live these perfect lives when in reality, no one's life is perfect, no one has it all together, no one fully understands what God is doing in their lives at all times. But as I sit here writing to you guys I am sitting here in tears because I look back to the absolute worst days of my life, to the days that made me want to give up, to the days that broke every piece inside of me, even to the days that made me question whether or not it was worth living anymore.. and I sit here with tears falling and messing up my computer because at the time what seemed to be the worst days of my life ended up being the best things that could've happened in my life.. and even though they were still painful and so incredibly hard, God's plan was so strong and so mighty that I can sit here and say to you that every single thing that has happened in my life has been EXACTLY what I needed at that exact moment and has prepared me for greater things than I could've ever imagined for myself.

God has a plan. 

You may not see it now, heck, you might not see it for years. But what you can rely on is the fact that Jesus Christ died on that cross out of His LOVE for you. He loves you so much and has called each and every one of us not to go on to do ordinary things, but EXTRAORDINARY things! Even when things seem hopeless, even when things seem like they are never going to end, stop yourself right there and rebuke those lies from satan in the name of Jesus because we have already won! Our incredible and mighty Savior has already won this war for us. God has called us to places that even we can't fully understand. So it's time that we trust. It's time that even though we don't understand, even though we have no idea what in the world God is doing, to know and to trust that God does... and it is going to be extraordinary. God's plan for you does not include anything average or anything that would lead to your defeat. ONLY to lead to His glory shining and being revealed in and through you.

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So what are we gonna do now? Where are we going to run as we're confused and as our hearts ache?

Matthew 7: 24-27 says this:

 “Therefore, everyone who hears what I say and obeys it will be like a wise person who built a house on rock. Rain poured, and floods came. Winds blew and beat against that house. But it did not collapse, because its foundation was on rock.

“Everyone who hears what I say but doesn’t obey it will be like a foolish person who built a house on sand. Rain poured, and floods came. Winds blew and struck that house. It collapsed, and the result was a total disaster.”

In this time, we have an option. We can run to and find comfort in this world and everything it provides, but take it from me when I say, finding your comfort here is like building your house on some unstable sand in an already unstable world. And sure, the drinks, the working out, the eating, the lust, the depression, the eating disorders, the drugs.. they might distract you for awhile.. but the waves don't go away. And when they do hit, your comfort slips from your grip faster than you can blink.

Now when you run to the Lord, something different happens. The waves hit but you're not falling. The pain strikes but you're not sinking. The winds beat against you but you're standing firm. Things are crashing down around you but you're still ok. You're still smiling, you're still joyful. Because our God is powerful and our God is strong. He's our fortress and our protection in our times of need. He provides everything that we need. All we have to do is go to Him. All we have to do is seek and delight in Him.

SO

I challenge you this week.

Find out what it is that satan temps you with. Find out what lies you may be believing and what places other than God you might be running to. For me I know that I'm tempted with alcohol. That satan uses that as a way for me to temporarily escape so I've cut it out of my life completely. And I've made time for God each day, not to ask questions, but just to be with Him. And I can already tell you that even in the midst of some of the hardest times in my life right now, I have not experienced joy quite like this. And it's truly amazing. God is truly amazing. And He's waiting for you.