Well this week has been a busy one but I am finally excited to have a Saturday off. Well let’s see, I’ll give a quick synopsis of the last couple of months. At the end of July I started my first big girl job. WHOOP! Honestly, the Lord is insane in the best way. Ask everyone who knows me and they would tell you that I was absolutely determined to get out of Texas. I didn’t apply to a single job in Texas except for the job at The Hope Center. I’d like to tell you that I didn’t know why I wanted out of Texas but if I’m being real, I just desperately wanted to run away from so many things here that I didn’t think I could take anymore. The problem with running away though is that usually means you’re just putting off dealing with something that you don’t want to deal with. I happened to be the Queen of burying my emotions and problems up until a couple months ago, and no surprise that it literally took the Lord slamming every door shut with every job opportunity outside of Texas to get me to finally stop and face the things that had really and truly destroyed my heart over the years. Isn’t that crazy though? Isn’t it crazy how much our God runs after us?? It’s so crazy to me that in the midst of me being so determined to go the opposite way that He wanted me to, and not even fully realizing it.. that when I called to Him and told Him that I didn’t know what to do or how to heal the deep wounds that I had.. that He guided me back to where I needed to be and not only matched but overpowered my stubbornness (which is hard to do lemme tell ya, I’m about as strong willed as it gets)(sometimes a great quality, sometimes not always the best haha).

I’ve been writing my faith blog for 5 years now and it still amazes me that you guys read it. I will never understand why the Lord gave me the platform that He did to be able to talk to you guys. And honestly, I’m not sure if I’ll ever understand why you guys listen. I mean you guys are literally the coolest and greatest people ever, the encouragement you guys give me and the time that you take to write me and tell me how my writing has affected you has been one of the most profound blessings in my life because I never thought that I would be here! My dream and my heart’s biggest desire has always been to love on and comfort those who are broken and shattered and don’t feel like they can put themselves back together again or feel lost and the fact that the Lord has provided that for me.. when I do not deserve it.. just makes me want to shout his name from the rooftops haha.

After 5 years especially of some really hard times, and honestly some traumatic times, I finally am starting to feel like myself again. The last 6 months especially have been dedicated to facing my problems and my emotions (Wasn’t so hot at that for a big chunk of my life). Dedicated to pulling up a lot of horrible memories from where ever it was inside that I buried them and getting them the heck OUT and into the light. And WOW people. I’m practically an advocate for talking and sharing and dealing with your issues now because I never realized how in bondage I was. By holding everything in and trying to deal with it all on my own, satan kept stackin’ the chains around my ankles. Because I wasn’t talking, I wasn’t being fed any truth about my situation. And because I held it in, I had to try to run to distraction after distraction to keep it from coming out. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve sure never had a distraction point me in the direction of the Lord. (Like usual, do not be like me, hahaha. Share and find fellowship! Be real, be yourself, whoever that may be and be vulnerable BUT with someone who will guide you in truth and protect your heart.) It’s a process and every day is different.. but the Lord has been so faithful through it all.

Any who,

Tomorrow is big for me. Tomorrow marks a year. A year of healing and a year of deciding to trust the Lord through the storm. A year of deciding that I do trust Him and that if I had to go through all of these things that He not only would give me the strength to face it but that He would take my hand through it all and use it for something amazing. A year of deciding that I didn’t want it to take another painful thing to happen before I realized that I didn’t ever want to live without the FULL overwhelming presence of God.

These last couple of months have been filled with joy, with tears, with laughter and bubble baths, with dancing and SINGING! Ahhh, I love to sing! And honestly that was the way that I knew I was getting back to myself, and it’s such a shame but my heart had just been worn down so much over the years that the fire just went out.. And I don’t think I sang for almost 3 years.

But you know what.. He’s got my back. Just like He’s got yours. No matter how far you’ve fallen, no matter how much has happened, He’s never gonna let you go! He sure has never let me go.. and that I will never understand.. but man, it’s why I love Him so much.

I love you guys!

Stay different, be yourself, and never stop usin’ that name of Jesus!

I’m gonna go attempt to sleep for dayssss. Sweet dreams!

love syd