Pain and Suffering
The past couple of weeks I have sat down to write and nothing would come. Usually as I sit down to write, I ask the Holy Spirit to use me as a vessel for the kingdom of God and to speak through me and normally, words will just start to flow out, but recently it hadn't. Little did I know that God had some things to show me first.
Typically as I write these blogs, I am writing about what i've experienced, what i've been through. Typically what I write about is what God is teaching me in the current moment of my life and the things that He's laid on my heart. The reason I say this is because the things I write about are real struggles that I deal with or have dealt with and things that so many others deal with as well but don't always admit to or talk about. I write because I love the Lord with all of my heart and, although I am a Christian, I am just as flawed and sinful and unworthy as anyone else in this world. So when I write to you, it's not out of judgement, it's out of vulnerability saying, "Look, i've been here, I know what this is like, I know how hard it is to deal with the same things you do.. But here's how God's love changes everything."
With that being said, I want to talk about something that hits close to home, and that is pain and suffering. This is important to me not only because I currently am battling through a period of intense pain and suffering, but also because a major portion of my life has been spent dealing with it.
I don't know why, but sometimes the plan for our lives includes going through battles of many different forms. Some bigger than others, some smaller. And many times when that happens, as much as we'd like to say that our first reaction is to run to God and to look to Him... most of the time it's not. Most of the time we don't know what to do. We freeze, we panic, we have this pain inside of us that we don't know what to do with. Something happens to us or even most times a series of things happen that cause our hearts to be stricken with an unbearable pain... It causes our spirit to become beaten down and weary and causes our hope and our joy to diminish drastically, maybe even to the point of not having any.
When this happens, I'd like to say that it's a no-brainer to look to God and to trust Him and look to Him to relieve our pain and suffering.. but most of the time that's not the case. Often times we tend to do the opposite. For whatever reason, sometimes even unknowingly, we instead distance ourselves from God. We run away from the one and only thing that could actually make us feel better and provide us with real and lasting relief from our pain. And the weird part about that is that as Christians, we know this. We know that Jesus is the solution to our problems! We know that He is the only thing that will fully cover the brokenness inside of us but still... we don't go to Him.
Now why is that?
Because the devil knows our weaknesses. Satan knows exactly what buttons to push and what things that need to occur in order to bring about the most and absolute worst pain we could possibly encounter. And when something happens that causes us to suffer, he steps right in and starts to feed us lies. Lies that convince us that Jesus isn't there, that we aren't loved, that we aren't provided for, that we aren't good enough, that God is mean, that God is something less than the incredible, conquering and all powerful King that we knew Him to be just before our suffering... you name a lie, you name an insecurity, and he feeds it to you.
Now this is a critical moment right here.. This is the moment that we decide either to believe and give into the lies that we've been fed, or to call them out as lies and to take up the Armor of God that we ALWAYS have access to, and to fight against satan and the oppressive spirits that war against us. But in reality, what happens most of the time? Maybe we start to fight or maybe we just flat out give in, either way, satan strikes and attacks our lives and when we don't choose to run to the One who saves.. we are left with a deep pain and despair, a lost hope, a whole lot of insecurities, a whole lot of brokenness and problems, and no savior to come to our rescue. Now am I saying that when we don't look to God that He's not there? Absolutely not. He's always there waiting right next to us, no matter what we do, waiting for us to grab a hold of His hand and seek for His help so He can step in and save us.. but He wont impose on our lives if He's not wanted. So typically where He's not wanted, He's not felt.
Now, here's the thing about pain..
It eats at you. It's uncomfortable, it's unsettling, it's often times unbearable, and as humans we are going to do anything and everything to try to get rid of it, to try to get away from it.
So, if we're not looking to God to take away our pain.. what are we looking to?
When we are in pain, satan will do anything and everything to keep us from opening our bible. In Hebrews 4:12 it tells us that,
"For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."
If we're not looking and talking to God, and we're not using our weapon, our double-edged sword otherwise known as the bible to receive the truth that we need in order to relieve our pain and resist the devil, what happens? We become deceived. When we're experiencing this pain that we want nothing more than to get rid of, satan offers us a solution.. and that is temptation.
Temptation comes in many forms and is different for all of us. For some it's getting drunk, for some it's sexual activity, for some it's drugs, for some it's being busy, for some it's their job, etc. We all know what we're tempted by! And in the midst of our pain and without an avenue for victory, we sink down into a pit of despair where we become numb to the things that matter to us. We become numb to the Lord's love, we become numb to our morals and our standards and especially for the desire to be obedient to the Lord.. and we so desperately want to get rid of the pain and the misery that we feel and because of it, we give in to satan's lies and we give in to this temptation that he presents us with.. because for a moment, that temptation, that desire, it masks that deep pain that we feel inside and distracts us, even for a moment, from the problems that we've been facing. The suffering has gone on so long that the things that you once valued before because of the love you've experienced from Christ seem insignificant and the devil has successfully placed blinders in your eyes that keep you from seeing the truth of the Lord.
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I'd be lying to you if I said that I didn't find myself in this position multiple times in my life and even recently. Although I love the Lord and want to follow Him, i've been in a season of suffering and i'll be honest, I wasn't even mad at the Lord or intentionally trying to push Him away, but I was just so focused on my pain that I forgot to look to Him..and man did satan use that as an opportunity to attack. Recently I found myself not opening my bible or finding time for God. I lost my joy and my spark and I found myself acting in ways that were peculiar. In order to surround myself with truth, I like to write verses on my mirrors in order to also hold myself accountable. Just a few days ago I remember looking up at my mirror and reading Romans 13:13-14, and it says this,
"Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh."
... I remember looking at that and remembering just how important that verse was to me just a few weeks ago.. And how right at that moment, it wasn't at all. In my heart, I wasn't believing that verse to be true. And for the first time I recognized that something was wrong. That I had been deceived. Even though I didn't feel like I was deceived, I knew that the Bible was the truth and that even though what I was feeling and believing seemed true and seemed right, I knew it couldn't be because it went against everything that verse said.. and I recognized that I had blinders on.
Proverbs 14:12 says,
"There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death."
Everything in me was saying that my sinful nature was ok. That running after worldly desires wasn't a big deal. I had looked away from God and chose to believe the lies I had been fed. But the bible is so accurate in that scripture is so powerful, because I remembered this verse and it just hit me.
Part of my testimony is the period of my life where I became numb to God and I ran after my desires and temptations. I have referred back to it so many times with this description,
"I was running so fast and so furiously towards my desires and my sinful nature and away from God that I didn't once recognize that my foundation, the floor beneath my feet, had come right out from under me and that I had begun falling. I never even realized it until I had hit rock bottom."
I remembered this one night in bed as I cried myself to sleep. I remembered that during the time that my life was falling apart and that satan was quite literally tearing me apart from the inside out.. I had no idea that I was falling apart. I was so deceived and wasn't receiving any kind of truth to open up my eyes to the fact that I was spiraling down to my own defeat, and because of that, I didn't recognize the moment that I turned my life in a direction that to this day, breaks my heart that I went down. That to this day, breaks my heart that I gave into so many sinful things that I wish I hadn't.
...And it hit me that I was doing the exact same thing right then.
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In a podcast I was listening to from Bethel Dallas, Pastor Danny said something that really just hit me hard. He said,
"Satan will find those and is near those who don't know the King."
He wen't on to explain that it was one thing to know who Jesus is and it is another to KNOW Him, to be close to Him, to be in His word. Satan only has power in our lives when we give it to him. Because the name of Jesus has power over all the heavens, and the earth.. and when we stop seeking the Lord, when we stop trying to know who He is and how He loves.. satan comes running over and swoops in. Satan comes close whenever we are far from God.
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So with all of this being said..
BE ON GUARD
Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy. When we're in pain and when we are suffering it is so easy to become deceived. It is so easy to run away from God and it is so easy to give up and to just give in... And I know it's so hard not to,
BUT DON'T DO IT
Why? Because you may be alright for a little while. You may keep yourself distracted for a period of time, and you may be able to mask the pain temporarily... But one day, reality will hit. One day, something will take your blinders off and one day your eyes will be opened to your brokenness, your shame, your guilt and to the broken dreams and goals that you had for yourself that you left behind all because you were trying to mask your pain with the things of this world.. the things that temporarily distract you but ultimately pull you down to your defeat.
In my social work class we're studying what is called the "Middle Adult Stage" which is typically known as a stage of reflection. It is a stage of looking back through the years and evaluating whether you became everything you wanted to be and achieved all that you worked for, or whether you failed and let yourself and others down with the way you lived your life.
Personally this got me thinking about my life now. It made me realize that I don't want to look back one day and once again be heartbroken and disappointed by the way that I had lived and the things that I did. So with that being said, my encouragement to you is this..
BE STUBBORN
Be stubborn in your faith. Choose now that no matter what happens, no matter what you've done or what pain you're experiencing, that you will call sin and deception exactly what it is. Because there is freedom in calling sin a sin and a lie a lie, no matter what you desire or what blinders have been placed over your eyes. Because here is the truth:
You are loved.
You are cherished.
You are forgiven.
You are God's masterpiece.
In the name of Jesus, you have the power to conquer ALL things.
By the blood of Jesus, satan has no power.
Jesus' strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.
No longer do we have to live in defeat.
No longer do we have to live in fear.
No longer do we have to live in misery.
Because when we look to Jesus, when we cry out for His help, He goes before us and he CONQUERS. In the name of Jesus, satan does not have the power to overcome or overwhelm you. He MUST flee from you.
Jesus Christ is a savior guys! He saves! He came to rescue us in order to give us freedom. Freedom from our fears, freedom from our pain, freedom from our suffering, freedom from our guilt, freedom from our shame. When pain strikes and the suffering comes,
LOOK TO JESUS
Look to the only one that can bring you peace. The only one that will take away our pain. Yes, there are times in our life where we are called to experience pain and suffering, sometimes it is apart of our walk. But choose not to give in and not look to the things of this world as a distraction from the pain and instead grab that pain by the reigns and claim the victory that we are given and that we obtain in Jesus Christ!
2 Corinthians 4:8-12 says this,
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you."
It continues on to say,
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Our pain and our suffering is momentary. It's not meant to be run away from or to be distracted from, but instead it is meant to shape us. Instead of giving into satan, we have to trust. Trust that although our bodies are in agony, our spirit is being refreshed, renewed and refined each and every day, BY that pain. Our pain wasn't meant to be run away from but instead was meant to be faced head on, with our Savior right by our side, so that His glory may be revealed in us and that His love and mercy may shower over us and rescue us from our despair.
This world is not going to save you. It is not going to complete you and it is not going to heal your pain and your suffering. It may distract you, but only for a moment. So,
CHOOSE JESUS
Don't seek for temporary pleasures, but instead seek for eternal peace and glory. Don't seek for distractions from your problems where the devil can swoop in and defeat you, but instead seek Jesus and claim the right to victory that you have as a child of the King! Let Him pour out His love and His peace over you so that it may cover every hurt, every pain, every broken piece inside of you and wash it away with His blood.
You are a child of the King. You are not defeated. You are not destroyed.
Jesus Christ covers our pain and suffering so that His glory may be revealed in us and so we may be victorious by His name.
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If you are facing period of pain and suffering and you realize that you've been deceived, you may not know where to go or what to do. You may recognize that you've turned down a path that deep down, you know is trouble and is ultimately going to bring you to defeat. And if that is you... cry out to Jesus. Run to Him. Call for His help. Cry out for Him to rescue you, to change your heart, to take off your blinders. Call on Him to open your eyes to see all that He see's and to change your heart to love the things that He loves and to hate the things that He hates. No matter where you are, no matter what you've done, no matter how undeserving you feel, it doesn't matter because you are loved and cherished and treasured in the eyes of Jesus and He doesn't want you to suffer anymore.
Call on Him. He will come to your rescue, always.
